I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bring me that man meat
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
