You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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