why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
