glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
