Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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