Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
