Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We need to get me chipped asap
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