she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
