I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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