There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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