Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
