i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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