Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
