I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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