And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
