hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
