I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
