when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
