I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm really into asian looking animals
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
