Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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