He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
