Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
