i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
