this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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