Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
