Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
