theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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