She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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