Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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