its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
