Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
