He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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