He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
