miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
