morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
