I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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