remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
