can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
