Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
