Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
