so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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