my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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