you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
