Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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