quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We got so high we made milksteak
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
