remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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