it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can text with my tongue
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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