If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
