Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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