everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
