just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
