He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
