Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
