So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
