This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
