Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
