Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
