So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
