Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
