You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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