Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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