I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
