My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
