i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
where are my eyebrows?
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