No stitches, just platelets and will power
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
